In every day life and working as a Wellbeing Coach/Holistic Therapist I often hear people blaming others or circumstances for how they feel. I was once one of them, one of ‘the blamers’. He did this to me, she made me feel like this etc. but with intense work on myself I’m less likely to fall into this unhealthy circle of blame. I still do sometimes. It’s a work in progress in honour of my own well being and the people I love in my life.
‘The Blaming Game’
As long as you’re stuck in this unhealthy way of thinking and feeling, your inner peace will be miles away, you’ll probably feel quite stuck in your life and it may affect people around you that in their turn start blaming you for bringing negativity into their lives.
Some people may say: “But I have the right to blame them.” or “That’s not socially accepted so why should I accept that situation or a persons behavior?”
Getting out of ‘The Blaming Game’
This is NOT about accepting what the other person did to you, it’s realizing how they made you feel, looking at what negative self-beliefs comes up and looking beyond the circumstances. Finding a deeper understanding for what the eye can see, can help you to feel more at peace by having compassion for this person and unconditional love. No one is perfect. You don’t know all the things a person have been through in their life and what forces may be affecting them to behave the way they do. (If you are curious and open-minded I recommend to look into material about Family Constellation, Ancestral Healing, Love Alignment. These healing modalities gives you a clearer picture and understanding of how our ancestral line may affect some of the choices we make in life.)
This may show you that someone that seems to be a perpeutrator is themselves victims of circumstances linked with their family history. To keep blaming them, doesn’t help either you or them to move forward. Forgiveness releases you from the prison that you created yourself. It doesn’t mean that you agree with the way they treated you, but it helps you to release the negative energy that you’re carrying around with.
How do I forgive and know that I’ve let go of it?
There are many ways that you can utilize yourself – meditation, self-healing*, professional help, group exercises/workshops, etc.
After you’ve practiced forgiveness and letting go, one of the ways to check in if you still carry blame towards them is to connect to the memory and notice if you still feel angry and upset. If you do, you still haven’t healed. I would suggest to look for professional help at this point, and if you already have, look for another practitioner.
Telling too many people about it or taking revenge on the person that you’re upset with by publicly putting them down (it doesn’t make you any better than them). If you do and the person/people you’re upset with finds out, it may make it harder for you to re-conciliate with them should you want to.
Even if you don’t want to make up with them, the damage you are doing is to yourself and people around you.
Summery of healthy ways of healing from blame & pain
* If possible speak with the other person first and keep it between you.
* See if you can heal the negative feeling you feel yourself or alternatively speak with someone that you trust or a professional.
An analogy for what I see happens when pain gets passed on
Imagine that the person that caused you pain and made you feel bad carries pain. Because they don’t know how to heal it themselves (or they might not even be consciously aware of it), they pass it on to you through the way you integrate. The pain has then been passed on to you. Imagine the pain and negative energy as a black cloud. Each time you speak about it you pass on the negative energy, unless the person/people you’re sharing it with is able to help you or knows how to keep themselves balanced.
Apart from that, if you keep the negative energy and collect more negativity from other experiences, without finding a way to release it, often you yourself become a carrier of negative energy that you in one way or the other pass on to people around you consciously or sub-consciously.
Therefore it’s in your interest to heal the pain there and not pass it on.
“Beyond great pain is great hurt, don’t take it personally.”
If you’re looking for professional help have a look at my Therapist profile:
*Self-healing = Different tools that can be used to assist you in healing yourself. There are many different ways. Do your own research and see a Professional for assistance.